https://summaryshelf.app/authors/esther-perel/Recent content in Esther Perel on SummaryShelfHugoen-usSun, 09 Aug 2026 00:00:00 +0000https://summaryshelf.app/mating-in-captivity/Sun, 09 Aug 2026 00:00:00 +0000https://summaryshelf.app/mating-in-captivity/<p>Sex often fades in relationships where the love hasn&rsquo;t. Esther Perel&rsquo;s explanation is that this is a structural feature of long-term partnership rather than a fault in it: love and desire run on different fuel, and the conditions that make a couple feel safe are frequently the same conditions that flatten wanting. We now ask one person to supply both. Give me belonging, identity and continuity, Perel says of the modern demand, but also mystery, novelty and surprise — everything a whole village once provided. Then, when the erotic side goes quiet, we treat it as a hardware problem and reach for toys, lingerie, a weekend away.</p>